


Menage A Trouble

by MsBrooklyn



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Alternate Universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-10-06
Updated: 2004-10-06
Packaged: 2019-02-05 17:19:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12798852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsBrooklyn/pseuds/MsBrooklyn
Summary: Krycek's birthday.





	Menage A Trouble

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Haven, the archivist: This story was originally archived at [Fandom Haven Story Archive (FHSA)](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Fandom_Haven_Story_Archive), was scheduled to shut down at the end of 2016. To preserve the archive, I began working with the OTW to transfer the stories to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. If you are this creator and the work hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Fandom Haven Story Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/fhsa/profile).

"I don't see why you had to blindfold me."

 

"Because it's a surprise, Feldman."

 

"Yeah, but it's YOUR birthday, not mine, Krycek. You should be the one wearing this stupid thing---"

 

Alex Krycek pinched her ass just hard enough to make her jump. "Exactly, Feldman. My birthday. I told you not to make a big deal out of it, but you insisted on giving me whatever I wanted and now you're wearing the blindfold."

 

Ellen Feldman leaned back against him and sniffed. There was something familiar about where they were. Was it a motel that they'd been in once before? "Am I going to have to wear the blindfold all night?"

 

"No, just for another few seconds."

 

She heard a small, scraping sound and then the sound of a cylinder in a lock turning. A door opened in front of her and Krycek pushed her forward. The door was closed very quietly but she could hear the tell tale sound of the lock. "I have a bad feeling about---"

 

"Shut up and wish me a happy birthday."

 

"Happy - mmffff...." Her wishes were silenced by Krycek's mouth landing on top of hers. As usual, he grabbed her ass and ground against her. She ground right back, matching him. A minor battle was waged to see who could make who hornier first and, as usual, she won.

 

"Are you ready, Feldman?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"You sure?"

 

"Just take the friggin' thing off already, will you?"

 

"Yes, mistress." A mocking voice in her ear and then the blindfold came off.

 

Ellen could feel her jaw drop to the floor as her eyes focused on the room. "Oh. My. God."

 

"What do you think, Feldman?"

 

She whirled and grabbed him by the lapels of his leather jacket. "I think you're stark raving nuts! That's what I think!"

 

"Do you really?" His green eyes were glowing like a cat's and his grin was almost contagious. Almost. But not quite.

 

"For God's sake, Alex!" Ellen yanked at the jacket, trying to shake him, but considering that he weighed almost double what she did, he didn't budge. "This has to be the craziest thing you've ever done. I could understand wanting to have sex anywhere but here."

 

"What's wrong with Mulder's apartment, Feldman?"

 

"What's wrong with it? What's WRONG? Explain to me what's right about it!"

 

"It's completely unexpected. It's someplace you've been fucked before but someplace I haven't fucked you---"

 

"Someplace you're not gonna, either, Jackson! I mean, really, he could be home any minute and---"

 

"Nope. I sent him on a wild goose chase that should last all weekend."

 

Ellen stamped her foot impatiently. Where did he get these ideas from? "What makes you think for a second that I want to have sex here---"

 

"I don't care what you want, kitten. My birthday, remember?" A sultry, teasing grin as he tugged at her motorcycle jacket. "Strip. Slowly. Make a show of it."

 

Next year, she'd buy him a lousy bottle of cologne.

 

Fox Mulder was tired. Hungry and tired. Hungry, with the beginnings of a migraine and tired. Okay, he had a bag of take-out from King Ying - General Tso's chicken - so he wasn't likely to be hungry in a little while, but tired and headachy? Absolutely.

 

That anonymous tip about the reappearance of the Jersey Devil turned out to be bogus, although the woman the Jersey cops caught could have been her twin sister. And of course, they caught her just as his plane landed. Which meant he had to drive all the way to Freehold and back to find that out. There was nothing he hated worse than going to South Jersey.

 

Mulder paused outside his apartment. What in God's name was that noise? It sounded awfully familiar... He set his bag of takeout down, drew his gun and slowly unlocked the door. One look inside his apartment and he could feel the contents of his stomach start to charge up to his throat.

 

"Ohhh, Ratboy, harder, yes, baby, yes...oh, yes...Ratboy...fuck me, Ratboy...."

 

Feldman. On her hands and knees on his living room floor being enthusiastically fucked from behind by Krycek. Both were so intent on what they were doing, they didn't notice him.

 

"Call me Mulder, kitten," Krycek purred.

 

"That's MY line," Mulder said, dryly.

 

Feldman's mouth hung open in a perfect 'O'.

 

Krycek merely grinned at him and continued to drive into her. "Home early, huh, Mulder?"

 

"As a matter of fact, yes." Mulder retrieved his Chinese food shut the door and aimed his gun at Krycek. "Seems somebody sent me on a wild goose chase. Would that have been you?"

 

"It would." Amusement shone in those gleaming green eyes as the thrusts into Feldman grew slower, more leisurely. Krycek was showing off for him, Mulder realized, queasily. "Kitten, why don't you offer Mulder a nice blowjob? I'm sure he's feeling left out."

 

That snapped Feldman out of it. "Get out of me, you maniac! I told you this was a bad idea but noooooo, it's your birthday. You wanted to fuck in Mulder's living room. You wanted me to call you Mulder. You----"

 

"I'm going to make you come, Feldman. I can feel it. Are you sure you want me to stop?" Now the thrusts were harder. Faster. And still Krycek's eyes bored into his.

 

"Yes. No. YesnononooohohohohohgodohgodRatbooooooooy......"

 

Mulder winced as he watched the two of them come on his living room floor. This was something he'd never forget, no matter how much he wanted to.

 

Ellen rolled away from Krycek and grabbed for the nearest article of clothing - his shirt, pulling it on. This had to be the most embarrassing day of her life. Caught. By Mulder. Having sex in his apartment. With her Ratboy.

 

And look at her Ratboy. Sitting there, grinning up at Mulder without a care in the world while Mulder held a gun on him.

 

"Get dressed and get out. Both of you," Mulder said.

 

Krycek stood up and walked up to Mulder, putting their bodies uncomfortably close together. "Today's my birthday, Mulder."

 

"That's nice. Maybe Feldman will take you to Friendly's if you ask her nicely." Mulder backed up a step.

 

She watched Alex close the gap once more. "Hot fudge does have its advantages, Mulder, wouldn't you say?"

 

"I say get the hell out of my apartment. Now." And yet, for his brave words, Mulder stepped back. He was out of room, his back pressed against the window. "And take Feldrat with you."

 

"Who are you calling Feldrat, you---"

 

Green eyes shot sparks in her direction and then turned back to the lanky federal agent cornered by the window. "Aren't you going to wish me a happy birthday, Mulder?"

 

"Happy birth ---mmmffffff-----!!"

 

Ellen watched as her Ratboy pulled the same trick on Mulder that he pulled on her. How many times had he pulled that one, she fumed silently. And look at Mulder, standing there with the gun dangling from his hand, moaning into her Ratboy's mouth.

 

Krycek plucked the gun from Mulder's fingers and held it behind his back for her to take, gesturing impatiently with the bulky metal object.

 

Even though she knew she'd regret it, Ellen tiptoed across the floor and took the gun, burying it under a stack of magazines on the coffee table. When she turned back, they were still kissing, but Mulder's hands were squeezing her Ratboy's ass.

 

The kiss finally broke and Krycek turned to wink at her and to show off his erection.

 

Mulder looked down at the corresponding bulge in his pants and then at Krycek's and then at Ellen. "Krycek, get the hell out!"

 

"How about me getting into you," Krycek leered. He rubbed himself suggestively against Mulder and then began stroking Mulder's erection through the thin wool dress pants. "You'd like that, wouldn't you? I'll bet you haven't gotten laid since Feldman, hmm?"

 

"Oh God...oh, Jesus..."

 

It was the most unbelievable thing she'd ever seen. Her Ratboy slowly removed Mulder's belt, undid Mulder's pants and freed Mulder's gigantic hard-on. And then her Ratboy was on his knees, giving Mulder head and Mulder was absolutely loving it, if those noises he was making were any indication and since he used to make those noises for her... Unbelievable. Not as unbelievable as Mulder's General Tso's chicken, but pretty damned unbelievable. She took another bite as she watched.

 

"Feldman." Alex released Mulder who whimpered - actually whimpered (could her Ratboy really be better at giving head than she was?!) and smiled a Cheshire cat smile at her. "Come over here and help Fox out of his suit, will you?"

 

"B-but I'm eating ---"

 

"So am I, kitten." With that, his mouth clamped back down on Mulder's cock and the older man groaned with pleasure.

 

The next thing she knew, she was helping Mulder out of his jacket, taking off his tie and removing his dress shirt and T shirt. As for his pants and boxer shorts, those were already down over his ankles and Alex helped Mulder to step out of them, winking at her while he sucked noisily.

 

Krycek looked up at Mulder through thick black lashes and stopped once more, to Mulder's obvious misery. "Mulder, kitten's feeling a little left out. Why don't you use those nice, long fingers to make her come?"

 

"That's okay, really," Ellen protested.

 

"Another time, maybe," Mulder agreed.

 

Krycek clucked in displeasure and shoved Mulder backwards onto the leather couch. "My birthday, Mulder. And I want an FBI sandwich."

 

This was perfect. Absolutely perfect. His dream threesome on his birthday and you'd best believe Alex Krycek was one very happy man. What started out as a cheap thrill just kept getting better and better. Who'd have guessed Mulder needed to get laid this badly? Look at him, so happy to be getting off, he didn't even bother putting up a fight.

 

Alex stopped teasing Mulder's left nipple and heard the older man whine unhappily when he turned to Ellen, who was watching and stuffing her face with Mulder's Chinese food. Liked to watch, did she? Not on his birthday. Participation was mandatory and Feldman, despite what she believed, was going to have lots of fun. "Feldman. Get the lube from my knapsack, will you?"

 

"But, Alex ---"

 

"Do it, kitten. I have something very special planned."

 

Look at Mulder. The federal agent was rendered absolutely speechless. How long had it been since this man had been fucked properly? At least two years since Feldman and he knew Feldman could be such a prude about certain things. Certain things that he had no problem with, heh heh.

 

Feldman held out the tube, frowning at him. "Now what?"

 

"Lube him for me, kitten." Oh yes, look at her face. She had no problems giving head during a traffic jam on the Beltway but ask her to lube Mulder and....

 

"Where?"

 

"Take a wild guess." God. Did he have to spell everything out for her?

 

"B-but my manicure -"

 

"Feldman..." He pinched her tight little ass, playfully and she emitted a satisfying yelp. "Lubricate him. Now."

 

Feldman's nose wrinkled and her lips curled up into a heart-wrenching pout. The effect was dulled by the fact he'd seen that act a million times before. "But Alex, I don't wanna stick my fingers up his ass."

 

"Yeah, Alex," Mulder rasped, "I don't want Feldman sticking her fingers up my ass."

 

"See? He agrees with me!"

 

"Come on, kitten, don't you want to make your Ratboy happy on his birthday?"

 

"But Ratboy, it's gross! And it hurts!"

 

"It isn't gross, Ellen. He's going to love your little fingers stroking his prostate. I promise you, he will."

 

"But I didn't like it when you----"

 

"That's because you don't have a prostate and you didn't relax like I told you." Always an argument. Always. He grabbed her little hand, curled it up, except for her index finger and drove her finger home up Mulder's waiting asshole. No lube. Sorry about that Mulder, but her finger was small enough not to irritate the big man. As he predicted, Mulder groaned happily.

 

"Ewwww."

 

"Ohhh, God, that's good." Mulder's cock stood at attention.

 

"That's disgusting."

 

"He likes it, Feldman."

 

"But what if I break a nail?"

 

Mulder's eyes flew open. "Yeah! What if she breaks a nail, Krycek---?!"

 

"It'll come out eventually. Don't worry about it." Alex fought the urge to roll his eyes at the two whiners. He yanked back on Feldman's wrist and used his prosthetic to press the tube of Astroglide into her other hand. "Go ahead, honey. A little dab'll do ya."

 

"Better make that a lot," Mulder put in.

 

"What are you gonna be doing," Ellen asked as she liberally lubed her finger and slowly inserted it back into Mulder, who, despite his fears about her manicure, spread himself nice and wide for her.

 

Alex favored her with a feral, toothy grin and slid the tip of one very slick finger into Feldman's unbelievably tight little tush. She yowled like a banshee. "Would you relax?"

 

"Would you take your finger out of my ass?"

 

"Ditto," Mulder put in, and then groaned as Ellen rammed her finger up even harder. "Whoa, yeah, mama!"

 

"One finger, Feldman. Nice and lubed, I promise. Why don't you try it and see if you like it before you complain?" How could she be such a fantastic lay but such a prude about taking it up the ass? "Mulder, you ever do an anal probe on Feldman?"

 

"Are you crazy? She threatened to Bobbitize me---"

 

"Shut up, Mulder," Feldman hissed, ramming a second finger into him. Mulder whimpered happily.

 

"Come on, Feldman. You like everything else I do and it's my birthday." He slipped his finger in just a bit more while she was distracted by Mulder.

 

"I know I don't like it. Maybe Mulder likes it and you like it but I don't like it!"

 

There. His finger was all the way in and if he could just get another one in there, he might, just might, be able to fit his cock in. At least half of it, anyway. Maybe. But she had to relax. And suddenly, it occurred to him how he could get her to that perfect short-lived relaxed state. He pulled his finger out, heard her sigh with relief, and he clamped his hands - real and prosthetic --- over her hips, lifted her and impaled her on Mulder's waiting cock.

 

"Ohhh....Jeeeezus...." Mulder threw back his head and panted.

 

"I know that feels good, doesn't it, Mulder," Krycek crooned at the federal agent, as he clutched Feldman tight, rocking her up and down, working Mulder's cock deeper into her as she moaned happily. "Hot and tight and wet, yes...Mulder, fuck her nice and hard...she likes that..."

 

Ellen reached back and slapped him weakly on the thigh. "Condom..."

 

"Not tonight," Alex hissed in her ear. He held onto her, helping her fuck the federal agent. Mulder arched upwards, thrusting to the rhythm he was trying to set. Good. Now if Feldman would stop squirming and start fucking.... Yes. Mulder was fingering her. Excellent. Feldman was getting into it. Now Mulder took hold of Ellen's hips. Perfect. Alex grinned as he reached for the lube again. If she noticed his finger going back up her ass, Feldman didn't make a sound. There was a whimper as he worked in a second finger and a definite whine when he took his hand away.

 

Mulder's eyes opened in time to catch Alex in the act of adding more lube. The federal agent grinned with understanding and a silent conspiracy to doubly screw Feldman was entered into.

 

The head of his cock lingered between Feldman's cheeks while Mulder continued to thrust into her. Slowly, carefully and in a minute, she wouldn't be a virgin back there any - oh crud. Mulder thrust hard and Feldman lurched backwards onto his cock, impaling herself anally. She shrieked at the sudden intrusion of eight inches of Krycek shooting up into her rectum, stretching her in ways no gynecologist or internist ever had. So tight. So damned tight. So beautifully fucking tight and if he wasn't careful he was going to come too quickly and he knew she wasn't going to let him back up there anytime soon no matter how much he begged, not that he would beg. So he pushed her back down onto Mulder's waiting cock and tried to get a nice, pleasing rhythm going. As soon as she calmed down, Feldman was going to love this. And even if she didn't, he did. It was his birthday and dammit, this is what he wished for.

 

Mulder's eyes met his again, a smile playing on those lovely, lovely lips. "Should I not have done that?"

 

Alex grinned at him over Feldman's head. "She was kind of a virgin there, Mulder---"

 

"Kind of? Kind of?! You sick bastards," Feldman barked. "It feels like I just got the Empire State Building shoved up my ass!"

 

Mulder fingered her again and she fell silent. Well, actually, she started whimpering, which was just as good because Alex could feel her starting to slide into those wonderful multiple orgasms. And once she started, she could go for hours before she exhausted herself.

 

Ellen looked up at Mulder and realized that he wasn't paying any attention to her. No. He was looking at Alex and Alex had to be staring right back at him and they were probably using her to fuck each other because it was safer than actually doing it with each other. That made her angry. And her ass was killing her.

 

"Feldman, you've got to relax or I'm going to get stuck in here," Krycek murmured into the back of her neck. "Mulder, play with her clit some more, will you? She's getting a little too tense."

 

"If I do that, she starts coming and I'm not going to be able to last."

 

"Hey!" Ellen slapped him upside the head. "Maybe I'd like to have a little fun here, y'know?"

 

"By all means, kitten," Alex purred, nipping her shoulder. "Indulge yourself. Tell me what you want us to do for you."

 

For once, she was at a total loss for words. Put her in a courtroom with two opponents and she could handle it. Being fucked by two men? That was another situation entirely.

 

"Alex, I see a look of utter confusion here," Mulder said, tracing her nose with a fingertip.

 

"Sounds like we need to make the tough calls, Mulder. Teach the kitten how the grown-ups play."

 

"B-but...but I..."

 

"You what?"

 

Ellen could feel a subtle shift behind her as Krycek began varying the rhythm. Before, one was pulling out as the other thrust in. Now they were thrusting in together. Oh. Sweet. Lord. Seven inches in front, eight behind and she was in heaven. She leaned back limply against Krycek and Mulder arched forward to seize a breast in his mouth.

 

"Like that, kitten?"

 

"Uhhhh-huhhhhhh."

 

It got even better as Alex began licking the back of her neck. For some reason, that always drove her crazy, but he had a way of doing it that sent her absolutely over the edge.

 

"Alex..." Mulder's voice was a hoarse whisper. "I'm going to come...I can't hold it any longer."

 

"No," Ellen whined. "Not yet. Not when it was getting so good!"

 

"Count of three," Krycek suggested.

 

"Yeah...."

 

"Kitten? Think you can get those multiple orgasms in sync with us?"

 

"But I---"

 

"One. Two. Three."

 

Wow.

 

How did he get himself into these things? Oh that's right. He had an affair with Ellen Feldman. Mulder lay back on the couch, exhausted while he listened to Feldman whine about how badly her ass hurt.

 

"Did you have to shove me so hard, Mulder?"

 

"I didn't hear you tell us to stop," Krycek said, finally. "In fact, you're exact words were, uhhhhhhhhhh."

 

"That's not funny."

 

"But it's true."

 

Feldman threw him a miffed look. "I'm glad both of you got off, but I wasn't finished."

 

"We're not done yet, Feldman."

 

Mulder sat up slowly and glared at Krycek. "Oh yes we are. Get the hell out."

 

"But it's my birthday, Mulder, and I haven't gotten everything I wanted yet."

 

That did it. The sex-weary federal agent got to his feet and yanked Feldman onto hers. "Everybody out. Now."

 

Krycek stood up, too. "Don't be so rough with the kitten, Mulder. She's not into that. I am, though."

 

"Would you stop calling me kitten," Feldman whined, yanking herself out of Mulder's grasp. She pushed past him and threw herself face down on the couch.

 

Both men turned to look.

 

"Help yourself, Mulder." Krycek gave Feldman's ass a proprietary stroke with his palm. "I know how inviting that is."

 

Mulder swallowed hard. Thank God he couldn't get it up again now. At least, not yet. Krycek's fingers closed over Mulder's wrist and Mulder winced as the triple-quadruple? -- whatever, agent guided his hand over Feldman's soft skin.

 

"Go ahead. She won't mind."

 

"The hell I won't." Feldman's voice was muffled by the leather of Mulder's couch.

 

Would she? Wouldn't she?

 

"Go ahead, Mulder," Krycek whispered into his ear. "She's nice and slick. Besides, you have two hands, Ace."

 

He did, didn't he? Gingerly, he worked a finger into Feldman, who despite her earlier complaints, moaned happily. She moaned even louder as he used his other hand to tease her clit again.

 

"Ohhhhhh, Ratboy...."

 

"He's in the bathroom, Feldman."

 

"Ohhhhh, Foxboy....."

 

"Why me?"

 

There. Nice and fresh for round two and ---- Wow, look at that! Mulder was going for three fingers. And Feldman was into it! Krycek could feel himself start to get into the mood again.

 

He moved to the couch and stood within easy reach of Feldman's mouth. "Kitten."

 

"Huhhhh?"

 

"Suck me."

 

"Ewwwwwwwwww! That's gross! I know where that thing's been, Alex Krycek!"

 

"That thing," he echoed. "This morning you called it your Russian love missile and now it's 'that thing'?!"

 

"Whatever. I'm not putting it in my mouth."

 

Alex groaned. She could kill a mood faster than the smoker. "You really think I'd do that to you? I was just washing up in the bathroom."

 

"Let me sniff it."

 

"What?!"

 

"If it's not clean, I'll know. Gimme."

 

Mulder was biting his lips not to laugh as Alex let Feldman sniff his cock. This was a first, certainly not an erotic first either. On the other hand, if it would get him a blow-job.... "Well? How does it smell?"

 

"Ninety-nine and fourty-four one hundredths of a percent pure."

 

"You used my Ivory hand soap," Mulder complained. "Dammit! That was a new bar!"

 

"I'll buy you a new one," Alex muttered. "Well, Feldman are you going to suck it or sniff it?"

 

"Actually, I had something else in mind."

 

"Do you now?"

 

"Yeah, I wanna be the center of attention again," she said, coyly.

 

Alex was proud of his Feldman. She was learning fast. "I thought you said it hurt. In fact you said it felt like you got the Empire State Building shoved up there. Mulder's almost the same size, kitten ---"

 

"Yeah, it'll be like the Twin Towers," Feldman sighed, happily.

 

How could he resist?

 

"Happy birthday to me...."

 

Ellen covered her eyes with her arm and tried to ignore her Ratboy's singing. Yes, she'd just had the World Trade Center and she was so sore, she was going to have trouble walking. For days.

 

Mulder groaned aloud. "Aren't you tired yet, Ratboy?"

 

"Alex. My name is Alex. And no, I'm not finished yet."

 

"He has plans for you, Foxboy," Ellen snickered.

 

"Mulder. My name is Mulder." The exhausted federal agent stared at her warily. "What kind of plans?"

 

"You're going to do the nasty while I watch," Ellen snickered. Yup, if the two lawns were mowing each other, there really wasn't much work for her to do, was there? She could watch and maybe re-heat the rest of that Chinese food and----

 

"You're going to participate," her Ratboy corrected, merrily. "There's no reason you can't help."

 

"Doing what," Ellen demanded.

 

They both stared at her. Krycek spoke first. "Haven't you ever read slash?"

 

"What's slash," she lied.

 

"We can find something to keep you busy, kitten. Something that involves that mouth of yours."

 

"Can't I just watch and shout out helpful comments?"

 

"No," both men said, in unison.

 

So much for Chinese food.


End file.
